i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
