what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
