hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
