So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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