You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
