and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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