I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
