I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
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He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
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I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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