right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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