sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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