Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
