So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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