He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
