Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
