I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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