The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
