I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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