What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
