Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
