Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
