I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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