We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
