This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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