I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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