just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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