Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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