Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
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truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
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I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
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