I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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