nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
