He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Shame is for Republicans.
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