I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
