I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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