Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
