You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My room smells like vodka and shame
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
