How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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