Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
