question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Life is so much better after having sex.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
