He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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