Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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