I'm lost and stupid without you.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
