tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
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Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
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don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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