Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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