the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
