Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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