the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
