I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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