Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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