I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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