Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Two words: nipple clamps
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