I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
