I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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