UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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