oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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