Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
