so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
