Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
