If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
